Dear Santa

I know that this is a very busy time of year for you but unfortunately, a lot of very bad things have happened to what was once America since you came by last year.. I just wanted to give you a little heads up on what you might be encountering as you make your rounds this year as some of the homes are going to be occupied by the very people who have made all of these “very bad things” happen..

You may be making deliveries to homes occupied by “liberals”. (homo stinkus maximus) You will know these abodes as you land by the fact that there is still an “Obama/Biden” yard sign in front and there will be at least one Prius or some other faggy little cardboard shoebox deathmobile in the driveway. Once you make entry down the chimney as is your style, please pardon the pungent aroma of smug sanctimony within the liberal communes as well as the easily identifiable odor of an unwashed backside or three..

Based upon their careers as thieves, liars and con artists, the liberals will be making your list in the “naughty” category. I have heard that those who make this inauspicious list usually receive a “lump of coal”.. This year when you leave such a gift behind for the liberal behinds, the “pollution police” will probably stop you or some bizarre Czar will detain you until a full investigation can be done relative to the sulfur content of the lump that you left. Keep in mind that the liberal’s unusually high scientific standards, like those that surround their flat earth/globaloney warming for example, will be unmercifully applied in order to determine such vague idiocy as “carbon footprints” because there will be some kind of tax or exorbitant penalty (or both) that you will owe the government.. (they know what is best for everyone)

If you have a scheduled delivery at the White House this year, you will probably be met by a gangly big-eared galoot wearing his Karl Marx jammies and his Bolshevik booties as well. You may have to sort of work around the fact that this brown buffoon will probably keep bowing to you the entire time that you are there..

The “Clean Energy Czar” will want to know the “power source” that is providing the “energy” for Rudolph’s nose. They will never be sure if Rudolph’s nose is damaging the ozone, causing acid rain, melting the polar ice caps, tipping the balance of the delicate eco-system, causing the next ice age, or making the rain forests disappear.. Even if the “scientists” are caught red handed (how else would the Obama Socialists be caught?) hiding evidence to the contrary, once they decide which bogus theory best and most expeditiously lines their progressive pockets with payoffs and pay outs, they will then implement some kind of “crap and trade” scam and they will also raise your taxes again and again and again after penalizing you again and again and again..

I wouldn’t be surprised if the liberals will try to contact the ASCPA claiming that you are abusing the reindeer. Feel free to leave a “recycled brown paper bag flaming reindeer reminder” from Dasher or Dancer on the front porch of the squealing liberal. Ring the doorbell, run for your sleigh, then have the reindeer bolt at high speed. Laugh loudly as the liberals stomp out the surprise package..

While you’re gone Al Gore, perpetual “lump of coal” recipient, will determine, based upon all of the scientific training that he has received, that the North Pole is in danger of evaporating. Al, who is the deity of the pimply progressives who only have profit on their minds and fascism in their hearts, will say that this “pandemic” is being exacerbated by the presence of your workshop. Goofy Al will say that it threatens the survival of the blind albino crotch tic (long a plague of the liberal populace..) and that you should vacate the area immediately as your “plant” (workshop) is emitting far too many greenhouse gases..

Several liberals surrounded by the simians of the SEIU, are already in route to the North Pole and they will perform their illegal “card check” conspiracy which will miraculously “unionized” the elves.. The elves may look a little bit different when you get back.. They are probably going to be appreciably taller, considerably more violent and substantially less intelligent.. Actually, all of your elves will be given concrete overshoes for Christmas from their new union “friends” and they will then be deposited at the bottom of the nearest lake. Unfortunately, the toys that your “new elves” will be making will be perpetually defective and the new elves will be demanding both exorbitant wages as well as a 30 minute work day.. Just have the Chinese build your toys from now on because they build everything else in America that actually works..

One of Obama’s health scare mutants is deviously planning on serving Mrs. Claus with a subpoena. They will be demanding that she consult with and abide by the government’s (they know what is best for everyone) guidelines in order to get you to lose a predetermined amount of weight that the government (they know what is best for everyone) feels is an “appropriate” amount of weight. This is all part of the government’s (they know what is best for everyone) takeover of health care and their demand that you be insured by the government. (they know what is best for everyone)

The Obamazombie will also inform you that the only reason the elves are “vertically challenged” is because of the inferior foodstuffs being served to them by Mrs. Claus. They will seize everything from both your pantry and your refrigerator and they will remove all of the “nutritional information” labels from what they seize as the definitive proof of Mrs. Claus’ callous indifference to your “morbid obesity”.. Have Mrs. Claus ask if Michael Moore’s “significant other” is being taken to task for his ridiculous rotundity..

Speaking of the ACLU, another Bolshevik bottom feeder is focusing on the elves and the little ones will soon be demanding to be recognized as a “special interest group”. They will need to find at least ten lobbyists who will “negotiate” on their behalf in Washington and at least five media representatives as well.. In the end you may have to build a casino for them to run order for them to pipe down..

Your status as a “small business” will soon cause you to involuntarily donate scads of your hard earned cash to the redistributors who have made a career of “playing Santa” to the permanent underclass that they have enabled and imprisoned.. Soon you will be penalized again as the Obama health scare will sap even more of the money that you could have used to employ more elves in the hopes of salvaging the economy that the liberals are intentionally destroying..

Yet another weasel from the ACLU will demand that you come up with a more appropriate title other than “elves” because it has hateful, negative connotations that have permanent negative ramifications to the psyches and the feelings of the “wee widdle workers”..

There is one last thing that you may notice as you enter the homes of the liberals. These hovels will probably be devoid of colorful decorations and other festive Christmas adornments. There may not be a Christmas tree. There may not be any Christmas cards. There may not be any stockings hung from the mantle.. They do not “believe” in you.

The older liberals take great joy in telling their offspring (usually conceived through the magic of a turkey baster and then handed over like mere property to any combination of odd mutations) that both you and Jesus don’t exist.. They smugly snort that both you and Jesus are “fictional” and that you are “made up”..

Beyond the fact that they wholeheartedly believe in the “fiction” of global warming and that they believe in the “fiction” that the public schools are a shambles only because of a “lack of funding”, the real reason for their blasphemy is that the liberals thoroughly enjoy going out of their way to make everyone around them, regardless of age, as miserable and joyless as they are..

When they snobbishly say that you are a “lie” and that they won’t “lie” to their children, I find that hard to believe. The liberals “lie” so that they can MAKE money and they “lie” so that they can insidiously TAKE money from everyday people all of the time. They “lie” to the children that they have made out of the grownups who are addicted to their disgusting handout mentality and their mantras of hopelessness and individual failure.

Rest assured that real Americans will have milk and cookies out for you and the children of those real Americans will rest assured knowing that you will bring them the joy that surrounds the Christmas season. Have a safe flight..

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28 responses to “Dear Santa

  1. Family,

    Just a little light reading as you get ready for Santa..

    Merry Christmas to all who stop in at NLTZ.

    Larry

  2. This isn’t a gift, but I think we all can see how destructive it will be:

    Obama gave himself a early Christmas present by amending an Executive Order 12425 by Ronald Reagan regarding Interpol. Read it directly from the White House press room. This is what it says…

    The White House

    Office of the Press Secretary
    For Immediate Release
    December 17, 2009
    Executive Order — Amending Executive Order 12425

    EXECUTIVE ORDER
    – – – – – – –
    AMENDING EXECUTIVE ORDER 12425 DESIGNATING INTERPOL
    AS A PUBLIC INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION ENTITLED TO
    ENJOY CERTAIN PRIVILEGES, EXEMPTIONS, AND IMMUNITIES

    By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including section 1 of the International Organizations Immunities Act (22 U.S.C. 288), and in order to extend the appropriate privileges, exemptions, and immunities to the International Criminal Police Organization (INTERPOL), it is hereby ordered that Executive Order 12425 of June 16, 1983, as amended, is further amended by deleting from the first sentence the words “except those provided by Section 2(c), Section 3, Section 4, Section 5, and Section 6 of that Act” and the semicolon that immediately precedes them.

    BARACK OBAMA

    THE WHITE HOUSE,
    December 16, 2009.

    Read the information regarding this change. It’s in a pdf file format. http://www.icann.org/en/psc/annex9.pdf

    Here’s the text of 2(c), which has Obama now using and applying it to INTERPOL:

    (c) Property and assets of international organizations, wherever located and by whomsoever held, shall be immune from search, unless such immunity be expressly waived, and from confiscation. The archives of international organizations shall be inviolable.

    This means an INTERPOL branch in the US now cannot be searched, it’s files are not subject to legal subpoena nor discovery. If any branch of government wants to keep documents out of the hands of the court system, THEY CAN, just hand them over to INTERPOL until the smoke clears, then release them once we’ve forgotten all about it. This all sounds like a way to release these people from Gitmo. When I found this on the White House website and let it all sink in, I got physical sick to my stomach.

    Now, INTERPOL can maintain files on US citizens and we won’t be able to see what they have. This is a major change and the change ain’t good for law abiding citizens and favors the criminal element, who already have every right in their favor, and the victims get zip as usual.

    But by this measure, has Obama helped himself and his followers by trying to hide and conferred with diplomatic immunity upon INTERPOL, exempting them from being subject to search and seizure — “The archives of international organizations shall be inviolable.”

    This is not good news for the American public, terrorist are living among us and if Interpol has documents that support their terrorist ties or actions that information will be unavailable to prosecuting these criminal.

    There is some speculation that INTERPOL may have a file on Obama (he did live abroad and mingled with well-known Communist and his communist cronies, political radicals such as William Ayers) and those file cannot be used to prosecute him under this new Executive Order amendment. They would need to convict him in order to overturn these decisions. If it can be proven that he was not born here legally all laws, mandates, appointments and Executive Orders would be reversed.

    This EO was released on December 17th and I haven’t heard any news organization discussing this at all, even FoxNews or their legal teams.

  3. Obama gave himself a early Christmas present by amending an Executive Order 12425 by Ronald Reagan regarding Interpol. Read it directly from the White House press room. This is what it says…

    The White House

    Office of the Press Secretary
    For Immediate Release
    December 17, 2009
    Executive Order — Amending Executive Order 12425

    EXECUTIVE ORDER
    – – – – – – –
    AMENDING EXECUTIVE ORDER 12425 DESIGNATING INTERPOL
    AS A PUBLIC INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION ENTITLED TO
    ENJOY CERTAIN PRIVILEGES, EXEMPTIONS, AND IMMUNITIES

    By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including section 1 of the International Organizations Immunities Act (22 U.S.C. 288), and in order to extend the appropriate privileges, exemptions, and immunities to the International Criminal Police Organization (INTERPOL), it is hereby ordered that Executive Order 12425 of June 16, 1983, as amended, is further amended by deleting from the first sentence the words “except those provided by Section 2(c), Section 3, Section 4, Section 5, and Section 6 of that Act” and the semicolon that immediately precedes them.

    BARACK OBAMA

    THE WHITE HOUSE,
    December 16, 2009.

    Read the information regarding this change. It’s in a pdf file format.

    Here’s the text of 2(c), which this Obama now has applying to INTERPOL:

    (c) Property and assets of international organizations, wherever located and by whomsoever held, shall be immune from search, unless such immunity be expressly waived, and from confiscation. The archives of international organizations shall be inviolable.
    http://www.icann.org/en/psc/annex9.pdf

    This means an INTERPOL branch in the US now cannot be searched, it’s files are not subject to legal subpoena nor discovery. If any branch of government wants to keep documents out of the hands of the court system, THEY CAN, just hand them over to INTERPOL until the smoke clears, then release them once we’ve forgotten all about it. This all sounds like a way to release these people from Gitmo. When I found this on the White House website and let it all sink in, I got physical sick to my stomach.

    Now. INTERPOL can maintain files on US citizens and we won’t be able to see what they have. This is a major change and the change ain’t good for law abiding citizens and favors the criminal element, who already have every right in their favor, and the victims get zip as usual.

    But by this measure, has Obama helped himself and his followers by trying to hide and conferred with diplomatic immunity upon INTERPOL, exempting them from being subject to search and seizure — “The archives of international organizations shall be inviolable.”

    This is not good news for the American public, terrorist are living among us and if Interpol has documents that support their terrorist ties or actions that information will be unavailable to prosecuting these criminal. There is some speculation that INTERPOL may have a file on Obama (he did live abroad and mingled with well-known Communist and his communist cronies, political radicals such as William Ayers) and those file cannot be used to prosecute him under this new Executive Order amendment. They would need to convict him in order to overturn these decisions. If it can be proven that he was not born here legally all laws, mandates, appointments and Executive Orders would be reversed.

    This EO was released on December 17th and I haven’t heard any news organization discussing this at all, even FoxNews or their legal teams.

  4. twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
    not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
    My parents were hung by the chimney by muslims,
    trying to force us to accept their religion.

    The children were helpless all bound in their beds,
    while sounds of chainsaws whirred above their heads.
    And Mama in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
    watched as they beat daddy, as he took the rap.

    When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
    the muslims looked shocked, then lost their bladder.
    In through the windows they came with a flash,
    Marines raining lead, turning muslims to ash.

    The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
    gave the lustre of midday to the muslims below.
    when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    but muslims dying with a face full of fear.

    With automatic weapons, lively and quick,
    justice was dealt, lickity split.
    The wrath of the Eagle, has made his claim,
    and we piled up their bodies, according to name.

    Pile Nidel! And, Abu!
    And, Khalid and Akmed!
    On top of Nidal, on Ramzi,
    and Ahmed!
    To the top of the porch!
    To the top of the wall!
    Pile then up higher, and higher!
    ’till we get them all

    heh hehh hehhhhh
    Now I can sleep…

    Merry Christmas!
    STITCH!

  5. Sorry for the duplication. It wouldn’t allow me to post my comments.

  6. Margaret in CT

    Just a couple of additions to your delightful Christmas message, Larry:

    Santa, when you enter the Oval Office you might want to remove your heavy coat. It’ll be 80 degrees in there, rather than the 50 degrees that you’ll find in many houses in the land. When you visit Belle Meade and Al Gore’s house, you won’t need a lantern. On any day of the year, there are enough lights lit in that house to turn night into day.

    Such are the hypocritical fascists who expect us to take their them at their word and follow them blindly to our doom.

  7. Alabama Rednek

    Larry – THANK YOU.

    As 2009 draws to a close and we celebrate the birth of our Savior, I reflect back on what was once our great country. Do not misunderstand, I will never give up or give in to the current power elites in DC or anywhere else. I know that God is in control and He will lead us out of all this idiocy one way or another. Until then let me say a word or two:

    Larry = THANK YOU for all the articles you have posted this year. You have given all the family a base to connect to and comment on. We are all better off for your efforts and I, for one, really appreciate them.

    Eileen – THANK YOU. Your research efforts are nothing less than outstanding. You have enlightened all of us to many things that have gone under the radar and totally ignored by ALL MSM including FOX. It is information that we need to know and be able to work with.

    Stitch – THANK YOU. Your humor as of late has had me ROFLMAO. It has come during difficult times in my life personally as well as subjectly for Larry’s articles. Laughter is always the best medicine and you have provided much jocularity along the way. We have all needed that.

    To all the rest of the family I have enjoyed reading all your posts and I pray that our efforts will continue to grow in the next year. Thank you all.

    May this Christmas Season give you all the blessings and love for which the season is all about. God bless each and everyone of you and may the New Year bring us the victory we are fighting for.

    Thank you,,

  8. Larry, Family, I extend my most heartfelt wishes for a truly MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all! You all have been a present and a blessing to me.

    Was the Night ‘afo Chriszzmas, ‘n all thru da hood, everybody be sleepin’ and da sleepin’ be good.
    We hunged up our socks, and hoped like all heck, that Obama dat Obama gonna brung us our checks.
    All of the famly be layin’ on da’ flo’, my sister wif her gurlfriend, my brother with some ho.
    Ashtrays wuz all full, empty beer cans and all when I heard such a fuss, I thunk….. “Sh’eeet, must the law!!”
    I pulled the sheet off the window and I’ze see, I was spectin’ the sheriff, with a warren’ fo’ me. But what I did see, made me say, “Lawd, look a’ dat!” Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by eight- big assed rats.
    Now over de years, Santy Clauz, he be white, but it look like us brotha’s got a black ‘un tonight! Faster than a po-lice car this homeboy came, and whupped on dem rats as he called dem by name.
    On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary Who, On Fannie, On Freddie, On Ayers and Slick Willie too. Obama landed that melon, right there in da’ street, I knowed it for sho’ – can you believe that sheet?
    This black Santy didn’t need no chimly, he picked da lock on m’ front do’, n’ I sayz to myself, ” Son-o-bitch! He’s done did this befo!” He had a big bag, full of presents-at first I suspect? Wif “Air Jordans” and fake gold, to wear ’round ma neck.
    But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit! He got my guns, my crack and my new booglars kit, man! Den, wif my shit in his bag, out the winder he flew, I sho’ woulda’ shanked him but he got my blade too!!
    He jump back on that melon without even a hitch, as waz gone in two seconds, da democratic sonafabitch. So next year, I be hopin’ a white Santy we git, ’cause a black Santa Claws just ain’t worth a shit!

  9. Thank you Larry for bringing me back from the brink of insanity….more times than I care to admit.
    MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND THE REST OF THIS WONDERFULLY CRAZY BUNCH CALLED “THE FAMILY”

  10. Alabama,

    Thanks for your kind words and I hope that 2010 brings us not only 40 House seats but four in the Senate and most important of all, good health for you and the Mrs.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours,

    Larry

  11. Right as Rayne,

    Thanks for your kind words and Merry Christmas to you and yours,

    Larry

  12. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year and most importantly, God Bless you and all your families and friends.

  13. Larry and Family – Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas and hope you have family near to bring you cheer.

    Larry, I truly loved this column today. Your mind is sharp as a tack and must be connected to a Thesaurus with all the word substitutions you do. It is wonderful. And Alabama Redneck, I say an Amen to your post. This family has meant a lot to me this year and kept me from many days of despair. But knowing there are others out there feeling and fighting the same way really makes me humble and I pray for all of you in the New Year that you may find health, happiness and good fortune. And to Eileen I tip my hat to a real news hound and analyst!

  14. Kurt,

    Thanks for being a valued member of the NLTZ family.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours,

    Larry

  15. Richard,

    Thanks as always for your kind words.

    I appreciate all of your comments as I have said, the comments make this the best site on the net in my humble opinion..

    Merry Christmas to you and yours,

    Larry

  16. Eileen,

    What can I say..

    Your comments amost always outshine the article that you attach them to.

    I hope that you are feeling well as I am not alone in considering you the most valuable asset here at NLTZ.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours,

    Larry

  17. Stitch,

    My best friend for all too many years.

    We’ve been through the wars and we will undoubtedly go through more.

    Your last three comments have been Hall of Famers..

    Thansk as always for all of your contributions to NLTZ and Merry Christmas to you and yours,

    Larry

  18. 37 years and counting….old ho…

    Check this out, my krimmas present:

    I started a No Left Turnz fan page on Facebook.

    http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/No-Left-Turnz/232716840934?ref=ts

    There are 290 “friends” so far.
    Each time you post a new article, I create a message for the group.
    And I keep farming for more “friends”.
    Any NLTZ family member care to help??

    Keep up the good work.
    2010 is OUR YEAR.

    We are NOT going to “vote” those idiots out of office.
    We are going to THROW them out!

    STITCH!

    Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year.

  19. Michele from NY

    Wonderful article Larry, still laughing, but sadly it does ring true. Merry Christmas to you and thank you for another year of sanity in a sea of senselessness.

    Merry Christmas to the whole NLTZ family and Happy Birthday to our Lord Jesus….the miserable libs can try to take this magical holiday away, but they will NEVER succeed!! As they’re sitting in their “green” houses, eating tofu & yogurt and lying to their children (and us), as the health care whores smile and grin at themselves, they bury themselves further, and we know that RIGHT will always win out over wrong. Looking forward to 2010 and the great ousting of these leftie losers for good.

  20. Michele,

    Thank you for your kind words and onward to 2010 where the march to sanity begins!

    Larry

  21. Stitch,

    Thanks for the Christmas gift..

    Every little bit helps and I appreciate it greatly.

    Merry Christmas,

    Larry

  22. Stitch,

    I was going to start one on Facebook and Myspace. I post Larry’s website on my conservative groups and hope some new traffic arrives to Larry’s website.

  23. It’s up to 310 now!

  24. The far-left are now attacking Obama. Last week it was it was Danny Glover complaining that Obama was no different then Bush. Now an organization, Bold Progressives PAC has created an ad about the public option in the Healthcare Bill and have come right out and called him a liar.

    I’ll try to embed the clip

    from Bold Progressives PAC but if it doesn’t work here is the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acc6Wn_BWlk&feature=player_embedded

  25. Yes, Thank You Larry, Eileen, and ALL of the Family, for the articles and comments during 2009.
    Let us all hope that 2010 is NOT the total destruction of these United States!

    My wife and I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a safe 2010.

  26. I friend sent this to me and I thought it was hilarious. I think we are in need of a good chuckle. So, here it is…

    Again it the embedded doesn’t work you can view it here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ_tAe87ELo&feature=player_embedded

    Enjoy.

  27. Great article as always Larry. Eileen, I appreciate your contributions as well.

    I don’t know if anyone here watches Star Trek: Voyager, but I saw an episode over the weekend that fits perfectly with the times. It’s called “Critical Care”. The IMDB description is as follows: “The Doctor is stolen from Voyager by an alien who sells him and his mobile emitter to a hospital on densely-populated planet. He is activated in a cramped room filled with sick people and is made to treat them using only very basic equipment. When the administrators of the facility realise how skilled the Doctor is, they move him to another area of the hospital to treat more deserving patients. The Doctor is appalled to learn that the medical care that people are given is linked to their status in society and hatches a plan to make things a little less discriminatory.”

    When I saw this episode a while back, it didn’t resonate quite the same way it does now. I know it’s just a TV show, but the similarities to what we could be facing under Obamacare are rather frightening. The solution the Doctor came up with was quite interesting.

  28. That was an awesome read. Thanks Larry. Merry Christmas and a have a Happy New Year!!!

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